Give me a word! A single word! And ye verily, I shall write a tale using it as the seed for a glorious tree of narrative!
[But only when I get back from the beach, so you have until Monday to chime in.]
[Spoiler Alert: I’m a giant nerd. I’ve been running a Pathfinder campaign for the past two years, and I’m starting to work on the next one. All of my new players are relative neophytes to the game, and I put together this rough breakdown to guide them through choosing a proper character class for their style. One of my players really liked it, and suggested I put it up on my blog for use by nerds throughout the land — and since I’m lazy, and going to be away for a week — WISH GRANTED, Mr. Yellow Devil.
Any other tabletop nerds out there? I’d love any feedback or suggestions you have on this chart.]
Here’s a rough break-down of the nineteen character classes available. Think of this as a very rough overview, to give you some idea for further discussion with me and the other players. I’ve also included links to further descriptions of each class — it’s very technical, but there’s a good overview of each through the link, enough to give you more idea of what each class can do.
| Arcane | Divine | Martial | Skilled | Natural | Synthesis |
| Wizard Sorcerer Summoner |
Cleric Paladin Oracle |
Fighter Barbarian Cavalier |
Rogue Bard Ranger |
Druid Monk Witch |
Magus Inquisitor Gunslinger Alchemist |
Nineteen Ways To Die
| CLASS | Description | Best at… | Examples |
| Alchemist | “I don’t expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensaring the senses … I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death..” S.Snape | Making themselves more powerful; influencing enemies and the battlefield in unexpected ways. | Severus Snape Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde |
| Barbarian | Fueled by rage, they destroy all who oppose them. | Doing lots of damage. | Conan Khal Drogo |
| Bard | Their songs are magical, their wit and knowledge deadly. | Making the party more effective. Gathering information |
Kvothe* Tom o’Sevens Alan-a-dale |
| Cavalier | Noble knights, they ride into battle leading the way to victory. | Mounted combat. Unique Ability: Tactics |
Jaime Lannister Sturm Brightblade Barristan Selmy |
| Cleric | True servant of their faith, they shield the world from evil. | Healing. Making the party more effective. |
Sazed Sephrenia Melisandre Thoros of Myr |
| Druid | The raw forces of nature are theirs to command. | Elemental magic. Shapechanging. |
Tim the Druid Beast Boy Allanon Cold Hands |
| Fighter | In the press of battle, there are none more rightfully feared. | Doing damage. Most adaptable class. |
Boromir Garet Jax Bronn |
| Gunslinger | The smell of gunsmoke and black powder, hard-knuckle death dealers. | Doing a lot of damage. Unique ability: Grit |
Roland Deschain Matthew Quigley Chow Yun Fat |
| Inquisitor | Their god commands them to bring the unfaithful to judgement. | Weakening enemies. Unique ability: Judgement |
Simon Belmont Inquisitor Glokta |
| Magus | Pure magical energy, channeled into the sharp edge of a blade. | Doing a lot of damage. Wizard/Fighter |
[I honestly can’t think of an example — the cast spells through their weapons, it’s ridiculous.] |
| Monk | A combatant armed only with wisdom. | Mobility, and damage. | Tempi Drunken Master Son Goku Wong Fei Hung |
| Oracle | Their power is a mystery, even to themselves. | Healing. Unique Ability: Mystery |
Calypso Cassandra |
| Paladin | A divine warrior, they bring hope and courage to all. | Healing/Combat Hybrid. Diplomacy. |
Obi-Wan Kenobi Paksenarrion |
| Ranger | A fierce combatant, a skilled traveller of the wilderness. | Ranged Combat. Tracking, Wilderness Survival. |
Aragorn, son of Arathorn |
| Rogue | A thief, a trickster, cunning wanderer of the night. | Stealth, Trapfinding and Lockpicking. Sneak Attack damage. |
Locke Lamora Arya Stark Tasselhoff Burrfoot |
| Sorcerer | Magic flows in their blood, and bends to their will. | Spellcasting. Knowing less spells than a Wizard, but can cast more often. |
Kelsier the Survivor Belgarath |
| Summoner | They create a powerful beast, the Eidolon from pure thought and desire. | Well, summoning. Perfect if you really want to play a Monster. |
The Incredible Hulk Lyra Silvertongue |
| Witch | Their power flows from spirits unknown. | Spellcasting. Freaking people out. Unique ablity: Hexes |
Elphaba Baba Yaga |
| Wizard | Their mastery of magic comes from long study and mental excellence. | Spellcasting. Most varied, and adaptable spellcasters. |
Gandalf Harry Dresden Albus Dumbledore |
Simple Complicated
Barbarian Fighter Ranger Monk Cleric Wizard
Rogue
Paladin Oracle Witch Summoner
Bard
Gunslinger Inquisitor Sorcerer
Cavalier Druid Alchemist
If you want to do damage: Barbarian, Magus, Monk, Gunslinger
If you want to hurt things with magic: Wizard, Sorcerer, Magus, Witch
If you want to heal things: Cleric, Oracle
If you want to be a leader: Cavalier, Paladin, Cleric, Bard
Sneaky, stabby type: Rogue, Ranger, Inquisitor
*It’s tough to pin Kvothe down to one class. Bard/Assassin/Wizard/Fighter/Rogue would just about cover it.
[I know I just posted this a couple of weeks ago — but I STILL LIKE IT, DURN IT. It’s funny how names and associations stick with you throughout the years — I never grow tired of the name Cyrus for any sort of warrior, swordsman or knight — and Chrono Trigger is completely to blame.]
And his hand slid through the hilt as if it were made of dream.
The barbarian stumbled forward, thrown off balance. He turned around, and the sword was gone.
In its place stood a hooded figure, old gray travelers cloak worn thin from endless miles on the road. Agnar glanced around and saw the temple seemed to be caught in gray amber, the clerics at the doors were nearly statues they moved so slow, the demons outside were a painting in stillness. A moment out of time.
The figure squared his shoulders, and fell into a natural fighting stance. Strapped across his back was a
massive greatsword, the length of it tightly wound in dark cloth. The cowl slipped back, and Agnar stared into a stranger’s face. His face was clean-shaven, flat as slate — his hair was nearly gone, just gray fuzz on the sides of his head.
“Need is not enough.” the traveler said.
Agnar tried to respond, but found himself mute.
“Fate is not enough.” the traveler said, and Agnar felt the winged mark on his palm burn and itch.
“Rage is not enough. Skill is not enough. Might is not enough. All of these are dust.”
Sand began to pour from the sleeves of the traveler’s cloak, Agnar tasted the desert on his tongue.
“Only love is enough. Only truth is enough. Only sacrifice is enough.”
The traveler turned, and looked out towards the doors of the temple.
“You can bring death, but can you bring life? You have walked in the Light, can you bear its lack? Go out into the world, go without the Bright Lady’s balm, survive, and redeem one of the wicked. One evil soul brought back to the light, and I will be yours to wield — from now unto the Cracking of the World.”
The traveler walked away, and faded even as time slowly wound back to its proper pace. Agnar stared ahead at the demons pounding on the doors of the temple, and felt a dry, empty feeling steal through his limbs. A man who has lived his life ever by the sea, withers and dies when he can not hear the waves crash.
Marlowe looked up with great pain, and smiled with the sadness of knowledge. “Your trial begins, brother. You have stepped out of the Light.”
[One of my first Story on Demand offerings. I have to fess up, I totally ripped the style and tone completely from Bill Watterson/Calvin & Hobbes for the style and tone. This is a female Tracer Bullet, completely.]
Her overcoat was stiff with congealed agar and the shattered glass of a dozen Erlenmeyer flasks. She slid her battered arms into the
sleeves, and tried to ignore the bullet wound in her leg. A pair of pipettes were still lodged in the right sleeve of the jacket, as well as some tissue cultures from the family Malvaceae. The battered gumshoe shook the detritus from her coat sleeve, and reached into her pockets — finding her two best friends right where they belonged.
A pair of ugly Colt revolvers, with worn pearl handles. Watson and Crick — the only partners she’d ever needed in this dirty job.
It had been quite a dust-up in the back offices of ECO-RICH, the multi-national botany conglomerate. She’d been called in on the case, when a pair of their top researchers had turned to whistleblowers–setting up interviews with dozens of prominent science and home gardening blogs. Then they’d turned up dead. Both researchers had simultaneous heart-attacks during a purported sex romp in a jury-rigged jacuzzi powered by eighteen Bunsen burners.
But then the autopsy reports had come back: Baby carrots.
Baby carrots lodged in their aortas.
A contact on the force, Overstreet, had sent her the tip — and she’d made her way down to the offices of ECO-RICH to do a little snooping.
A brace of white-coat goons had been working late, and before she could spool up an alibi — things had gotten frisky.
An ethno-biologist with arms like a steel trap got the drop on her, grabbing her from behind and pinning her arms to the side. Without hesitation she kicked off hard from the face of an approaching zoologist, propelling her captor into a nearby Spectrograph. A weasely ginger had pulled a snub-nose out of his pocket protector and gotten a shot off, grazing her leg — while the other researchers tossed Petri dishes and glassware like a tipsy housewife when she finds a collar with the wrong lipstick in the wash.
Crossing through the test tube hailstorm, she’d headbutted the ginger sap — the sound of his nasal cartilage snapping was sweet music, and a pair of electron microscopes ripped off a nearby table helped her finish the symphony on the rest of the jolly green thugs.
The gumshoe reached down, and riffled through the pockets of the closest researcher. She pulled open their Twitter account, and banged out a warning.
— Just got the chloroform forcibly removed from my cell wall’s chloroplasts by a punitive ass-kicking. #ECO-RICH #MURDER #SCIENCE SLEUTH #WATCHOUT
She tossed the device aside, and walked back out into the late night rain.
She was on the case, and had a very promising beginning to the data field required for the x-axis of her perspective bar graph.
A bar graph of justice, and a chart of pain.
[For Jargon Journalist. Take some time and go fondle her comment section.]
The witch leaned over Tome’s body, a small hedgehog cupped carefully in her hand. She spoke quiet words of power, and her hair rippled slightly as if in a wind.
“It’s so heavy.” Alice whispered. “I pull, but it barely moves. I think I can pull his spirit back to his body..but.”
Tears coursed down her face. “I’m not sure I have the strength. And even if I do…it will tear. His soul will be ripped into tatters. Please don’t make me do this.”

Aufero is a strange place.
Almost, but not quite, sensible. Approaching, but never meeting, sane.
So many pieces that don’t fit. Words, names, places, people, gods, colors, music. A world on the edge

of things, a Grand Central Station of the cosmos. A quiet shore where many lost things wash up and begin again.
What brings them there? What keeps them there?
The Lost named it, when they stepped from their silver ships. In the old tongue, it means “to steal”. As if the world itself was a bandit, reaching into the pockets of more respectable universes and grabbing everything that jingles, everything that shines. Aufero piles up its treasure, little caring for organization or thrift. Rubies bang against pennies, coarse granite against opal.
History wanders, and logic gets lost. Civilizations rise by whim, and the unlikely and strange gad about in the common streets as if protected by royal decree.
Dinosaurs moan about philosophy, while living skeletons make a proper Old Fashioned at the bar. Swaggering bravos, kings and titans of industry all plot and battle in the streets of a city where it is always night, for no particular reason at all. A patient prince of Hell lays waste to all who oppose him, cheating the laws of the universe with deadpan glee. Minotaurs play chess. Gnomes sing the blues. Friendship is real, and love is real and death is real — side by side with a thousand quiet absurdities and the hallowed mundane.
George Washington wearing a clown nose.
Do you want to go?
[Just some navel-gazing about my main story-world.]
…..STOP-GO, CLAMP C – 78%
…..STOP-GO, CLAMP D – 64 %
…..STOP-GO, CLAMP E – DYS
…..STOP-GO, CLAMP F – DYS
…..STOP-GO, AMBUL-SYS – 56%
…..STOP-GO, SCANTER – 40%
……STOP-GO, CORE – 42%
……SYSCHEK TERM
PARAMETERS SET- PATROL MOD SYSQUERY………………………………………………………………………………………………………..ERR
SYSQUERY…………………………………………………….ERR
SYSQUERY……………….ERR
….
…
SYSCHEK 99955587
…..STOP-GO, CLAMP C – 78%
…..STOP-GO, CLAMP D – 64 %
…..STOP-GO, CLAMP E – DYS
…..STOP-GO, CLAMP F – DYS
…..STOP-GO, AMBUL-SYS – 56%
…..STOP-GO, SCANTER – 40%
……STOP-GO, CORE – 42%
……SYSCHEK TERM
PARAMETERS SET- PATROL MOD
SYSQUERY……………………………………………ERR

Descabellado in the Old Tongue. Misbegotten, wild, by-blow, wrong side of the sheets. Bastard.
Mean son-of-a-bitch Desert, is what it should be called.
They don’t worry about it much, down in the soft South. The fine cities, and the Emperor’s mines and the dons and their ladies sipping at spider-tea under the shade of a white umbrella.
I worry. I worry plenty.
My wagons and my goats, out in the mess. Wind and sand, chewing away at your skin, gumming up the wheels, howling in the night so a man can’t get a decent sleep. They pay’s good when I roll into a town, but I’ve come close to dying of thirst more times than I care to remember. Anything goes wrong out in the Bastard, anything at all and all they’ll find is your shiny white bones.
I’m a fair tailor, a better cook, and a sharp-nosed merchant. I buy cheap and sell dear, and the common folk know better than to complain about the prices. They know what it takes to bring my tiny wagon across the sands, know the gold I pay to my caravan guards to keep the critters and savages and damn trail-spooks off of me.
One day, I’ll have enough money to retire. Buy me a nice little shop in Toledo and sell coffee and biscuits and spend every morning and evening sweeping my front stoop. Not a speck of sand, and clean white cloth on every table – the inside of the shop will always be cool. Cool stone and some nice green plants.
Not like out here in the Bastard.
Shit, I don’t even know why I’m writing all this. Won’t feed the cat or wake the Titan, like my old man used to say.
Fills the time, I suppose. Better than praying, or remembering. Not as good as drinking, but I’m out of whiskey until I make it to Briar in three days time. Ink I got, whiskey I don’t.
Listen to that sand howl, like a mad creature in the wind. Ha. Time to go to bed, that almost sounded poetical.
—-
X Hartower
— Day, — Year
The Bastard Sands
[A little flavor text for my nascent tabletop campaign, Titan’s Wake. ]
“Sit down, please.”
The young boy sat, uncomfortable and gangly in the high-backed wooden chair.

“Are you comfortable?” the red-haired man continued, his eyes and quill busy on a pair of scrolls on his desk. The young boy sat opposite in one of the two fine chairs kept for receiving guests.
“Yes, my lord.”
“Good – good.” Key said, finishing a line on the left-hand scrolled and looked up. He furrowed his brows and tried to collect his ink-tossed thoughts. ” I’m sorry, what was your name again?”
“Lucas, sir. Lucas Grahd.”
“Of Pice? Your family has an estate there?” the red-haired scribe took note of the gryphon emblem on the young boy’s collar – faded, but fine material.
“Yes, my lord.”
“And you’ve come here about your mother?” Key said. “Lionshead Fever –very sad. You have my condolences, of course.” His quill went scratch, adding another line to his letter to the Regent. The paving recently completed outside his office was simply atrocious, and he was determined to have it re-cobbled before the end of the summer.
“Very kind, my lord. That was the subject of my visit today. I believe I may have found a cure.”
…It would honor me greatly if you could send a magistrate to inspect the quality of the work yourself, My Lady. It is simply beyond accepting — I’ve seen untutored yeoman do better with rough bricks and river-mortar…
Key’s quill kept scratching, until the silence in the room finally reached him. He looked up at the young boy sitting in his chair, and blinked.
“What?”
The boy stared at him, but repeated himself.
Key tapped his forefinger on the desk, fresh ink stained – leaving a whorl of his fingerprints on the margin of his letter. The scribe cursed, and quickly reached for a cloth to daub it away.
“Sir, did you hear me? I’ve found a cure for Lionshead fever. My mother has been bedridden for weeks, and the other doctors gave up days ago. I threw myself into our family library and read every medical text and herbal tome that we own. I’m convinced I’ve found a forgotten remedy, passed down from the Sarmadi. Some of the ingredients are exotic, but the process for creating it is exceedingly simple. I consulted many of our family’s friends and business associates, and you have the final ingredient that I need.” The boy leaned forward, the words flung out with desperation.
Key tucked the quill behind his ear, ignoring the ink that dribbled down his cheek. He pinched his nose, and inclined his head to the ceiling for a moment.
“Young man..Lucas? I am sorry. I did not realize that your mother still…lingered. It makes what I’m about to say very difficult indeed.”
The boy slammed his hand on the edge of the desk. “I know the gallowgrass is very expensive, and I know that you have it. Please spare me the sales pitch. I have brought more than sufficient funds to cover any reasonable price. My family has fallen on hard times, but not so hard that we cannot afford—”
“Lucas.”
The boy looked up in surprise. The red-haired scribe has walked from around the desk to sit in the chair next to him. His hand was clenched on the edge of the desk, knuckles white.
“I am sorry that you did not have my full attention at the first. Forgive me. Your age made me think you were here on a simple errand, or perhaps a scholarly project for your tutor. I can see that you are a young man of uncommon intelligence, so I will speak plain.”
The boy said nothing, but nodded quickly with a polite acceptance.
“You say your mother has been suffering for weeks. Did none of the doctors who administered to your mother explain the path that Lionshead takes through the body?” Key said.
“No.”
“Ah. Lionshead Fever is a fairly rare malady, that attacks the upper respiratory system – the lungs and nasal passages. It is not particularly contagious, generally only being contracted through direct exposure to infected tissue. I assume your mother spent some time travelling right before her symptoms appeared?”
“Yes.” Lucas said.
“As I thought. Most people afflicted die in the first two to three days. Their lungs fill with blood and they quite simply drown in their own water. The followers of the deity Nasirah believe it is divine justice, only the wicked, the betrayer, the infidel are cursed with this disease. They would stamp their fierce god’s symbol into the foreheads of the sick – a mark of their fate, and also an effective way to prevent further spread of the contagion. A lion, stamped on the head, do you see?”
“I’ve read all this at great length, my lord. I don’t see how –”
“Those that do not die immediately…” Key continued, his voice level, as if the boy had not interrupted.”….can linger for many days, even for weeks on end. But the damage to the lungs is permanent.”
The word hung in the air.
Key laid an ink-stained hand on the young boy’s shoulder. “You have shown great skill and intelligence in your research, you have shown great ingenuity and determination in tracking me down. I am the only person for hundreds of miles that has the gallowgrass, and I would gladly give it to you to save your mother. She could ask for no greater gift or more pure expression of your love for her. But, the Nameless be kind, it has fallen to me to tell you these truths. You are too late. Any cure would need to be given in the first few days of the infection to preserve any undamaged tissue. It has been weeks. Your mother is dead, in minutes or hours.”
The young boy stood up, and shook Key’s hand with empty poise. “I thank you for your time, my lord.”
“I wish I had more to give to you …and to your mother.” the scribe said sadly.
The boy left, and Key sat for a while in the second high-backed guest chair. He knew he would not finish his cobblestone letter this night, nor would he for many nights to come.
“More time.” he said to the empty room.
[Story on Demand for N.E. White – follow the link for their blog and the clicking thereof.]