[I don’t normally include the explanation at the top — but this one is a doozy. This idea was submitted on Facebook by Allen.]

“Othello is running for reelection. Henry V is the GOP nominee. They wait in the green room to begin a televised debate when, suddenly, a young woman collapses of stroke. who is she? Two paramedics arrive as the scene opens.”

 

Enter two paramedics.

JARVIS

Summoned we have been, to the house

of light and sound – the television studio

where all visions fantastical

leap o’er the air to the shining

squares in each and every good man’s

noble den, couch-front and shining.

 

BERNARD

What is the sport? What

dire sickness or mortal wound

summons our white chariot

red lights flashing like

the red eye of Jove himself?

 

JARVIS

I know not, friend  —-

but I see presently a stout porter comes

henceforth to lead us to our

duty and sacred charge.

 

A television producer enters, bearing a clipboard.

GLENDA

Ah, medics — at last you arrive

fast as Hermes’ to your duty

and sacred charge — well met!

 

JARVIS

What sickness or ill calls us to this place?

Speak quick — swift action is the blessing of all

who ail and require our skill and succor.

 

GLENDA

Come hence.

 

The three discover HENRY V, one time King of England and France — and OTHELLO, a moor. They crouch over the still form of a young woman. The paramedics rush to the woman’s side and begin tending to her.

GLENDA

Honored nobles, please come away and

allow these men to fulfill their charge.

The people of America wait for you to speak

and fill their hearts with the message of

your glory, vouchsafe the country’s goals

and seize the crown imperial through

this televised debate — the time of choosing

is nigh — we must begin this play of words

‘ere more sands fall through the hourglass.

 

OTHELLO

Jupiter and blessed Pallas Athene!

I do pray this young girl can be

returned to full health and vital

how strange that she should fall

ill here, and swoon into the bosom

of foul sleep ‘ere she could

speak her dire message.

 

HENRY

Uh huh.

 

OTHELLO

What means this, friend Hal?

I know we disagree most bitterly

on the course and tack of this country’s ship.

But surely you do not suggest that I—

 

HENRY

Look, buster. I think we all know about you  and the ladies.

 

OTHELLO

Your words are dross, instead of true-gold.

How can you speak with the split tongue

of a garter snake — here on the cusp of our debate?

To take this poor woman’s fate and twist it to

suit your minstrel-song and mechanical-pander.

 

HENRY

Or should I say…..girls?

 

OTHELLO

Listen here, you mealy mouthed motherfucker —

 

JARVIS

Hark! She breathes, the flame of life

still burns within her mortal frame.

Our duty and sacred charge has been

well served here this day, this time

of legends!

 

The woman rises and approaches the two candidates.

WOMAN

Look upon my face and know despair

twenty fathoms deep your heart thrown

in iron shackles beneath the blue-green

waves of Poseidon’s kingdom.

 

OTHELLO

O, horror!

 

HENRY.

Fuck.

 

WOMAN

I served your purpose, and served your lust–

a chattel born to the lash is better served

by a quarry’s cruel labor then I was served

by you two princes of the earth.

To take a poor widow, kept in a house

with madmen and waggle-doctors —

to make me scribe your words,

plan your campaign, even pick

out the color of your tie.

Neither of you have half the manhood that I can claim.

you are bitter, empty things — gourds full of sound and air.

And now, here on the edge of your greatest glory

I come— I come to strike you down

 

GLENDA

Who are you, strange woman?

 

HENRY

Look — could you not — shit.

 

OTHELLO falls on his sword. No one notices.

 

LADY MACBETH

I am the kingmaker — I am the queen of iron

behind the prince of straw, spinning quiet webs

and laying plans for these fools’ victory.

And I will have my cup overflow with

revenge and the blood of those who have

wronged me.

 

HENRY

Hey — Lady M. I think you spilled some barbecue sauce on your dress. It’s right there….on your sleeve.

 

LADY MACBETH begins to tear at her clothing.

 

LADY MACBETH

Out! Out! Damn–

 

A ravenous bear enters. 

 

EXEUNT all pursued by bear.