Theban Diary #4

This summer’s production marks the third time my life and this script have intersected. Today, let’s talk about the first time.

CAVEAT EMPTOR : I’m about to tell a story from when I was in high school, circa 1997. My memory is dogshit. If anyone else who was actually there somehow reads this and remembers it differently, they are probably right.

Photo: Matt Hardy / Model: Lily Medlock

If you’ve ever wondered why I am like this about theater, it would probably be important context to know that I was exposed to Bertolt Brecht before I was seventeen. In Troup County, GA – before the turn of the millennium, my peapod little brain already knew who Thespis was, the power of the triangle, all of the words of ‘No Diggity’, and that Neil Simon is for the squares. Much of this is because my high school was blessed with absolutely aberrant teachers running the Drama Department. The same year we put on Anouilh’s ANTIGONE, we also did The Caucasian Chalk Circle. Yes, if you want to be truly pretentious you need to get a big head start in your formative years. I think our director was working on an MFA during the summers, so he used our productions for class credit. I only remember that because he -unwisely- told us his professors were coming to see our production of Chalk Circle. I had this bit of stage business where I was supposed to open a giant book and blow a small amount of flour off the page to sell that it was old and dusty. The effect hadn’t really worked that well during rehearsal, so I decided to put probably ten times as much flour as normal so that the performance he was being graded on would have some extra juice. I blew so much flour into the air that it covered me and my scene partner and I ad-libbed a completely unnecessary ‘WHEW! DUSTY!’. The look of pure hate he shot me as I came off stage is something I’ll carry with me to my grave. Later on, he told me that Brechtian theater does like to over emphasize the stage effects to make them transparent and artificial, so he was probably not going to be penalized too much for my help.

In my defense, I have no idea why I did any of that. Impossible to reconstruct this far down the time stream.

But, back to ANTIGONE.

Our production was staged outside. Platforms and acting blocks, a couple of ramps – all painted black. (some of you are pointing at the screen like Dicaprio right now) The whole cast wore black pants and white dress shirts – except for a few additional costume pieces here and there. We wore no shoes. It was a long time ago, the dawn of the internet, so people being into feet was something we were, as yet, blissfully unaware of. Our director had taken the Chorus monologues and chopped them up, splitting lines among the ensemble, pulling that role closer to a more traditional Greek chorus. He also, I learned weeks later, cut out big chunks of Creon’s speeches for time. I played Creon. These two facts have no connection.

This was probably my first exposure to a play where the props and costuming was purposefully representative. These are not the literal clothes, these wooden swords are not the real swords. It’s just a symbol. Something in my peapod brain cracked a little bit. The SYMBOL is more than the THING. Instead of this specific object, this is ALL POSSIBLE VERSIONS OF IT.

This is to say I thought it was super clever when I found a piece of nylon rope and spray painted it gold to wear as a CROWN. Someone in the audience, a younger sibling of one of the cast, audibly asked ‘why does he have a snake on his head?’.

Why indeed.

I remember:

  • the actress playing the Nurse had a Scottish accent, I think just because she could kind of do an okay one?
  • the actor playing Haemon, my friend Nick, was something of a hot commodity in those days and him kissing an UPPERCLASSMAN was a bit of a scandal, she briefly caught feelings, it was a whole thing
  • the actress playing Antigone was a legendarily good on-stage cryer
  • The climactic ‘Take away the stones!!!’ fell a little flat when we all just had to sort of walk a few feet away from the playing space and then awkwardly turn around and walk back on for bows

I don’t remember — having any sort of thought about the play itself or any sort of larger meaning it might have. I was a Drama kid, I was in all the plays, this was another one. But a fair amount of the words stuck with me.

You are like dogs that lick at everything they smell.

Antigone finally gets to be herself.

TAKE AWAY THE STONES.

It is strange to look back, nigh on 30 years later. It didn’t have meaning for me then. It was just something I did. As a person who has been involved in theater my entire adult life, it is interesting how rare repeats are. When I was younger, each play was its own singular event, here and gone and never again. But now, I’ve had shows that I’ve been in multiple productions – I’ve directed the same show more than once. I think I talked about it a good bit years ago when I directed OKLAHOMA! – that the great works are always connected, cheating time or at least circumventing it. I’m here, I’m there, I’m 17, I’m 46, I’m 10, I’m a thousand years old.

So, that was the first time. I’m not planning on any direct homage or reference to this ancient production – except for maybe that gold rope crown. Maybe the audience just wasn’t ready for it yet.

End of Year Shareholder Meeting 2014 – Location: My Head

shareholder

[The following is the transcript of a recording smuggled out on the person of half-orc/goblin J.J. Smith. Mr. Smith did not intend to record the proceedings. He had a new phone and thought he was playing Peggle, but actually activated a recording application. Some of the recording is garbled due to Mr. Smith’s unfortunate habits of humming to himself, prolonged burping, and atonal flatulence.]

G. Derek Adams: Okay, everyone take a seat so we can — so we can get started.

[milling around noises, wooden chair legs scraping on floor]

GDA: Okay, are we all settled?

Izus Torrossian: I don’t want to sit down. It’s too far away from the doughnuts.

GDA: Goddamn it, Izus. Would you please just sit the fuck down?

IT: Here? Or here? Is here good?

GDA: Just sit. Sit. Sit! NO. In the chair, don’t spin it around like you’re Fonzie.

Rime Korvanus: I don’t think Fonzie ever sat that way.

GDA: Not … literally. Okay. Okay, fine. Sit however you want.

IT: Thank you, m’lord.

Brian Cactus: Heh, heh.

Jonas: That guy is cool.

Xenon: Meh.

IT: I am, like, so cool.

Sideways: Ironic high-five!

[A loud smack of palms. Various laughter and groans from the assembly.]

GDA: This is it. This is my nightmare. It’s like teaching high school all over again. I’m going to take a breath and then we’re going to get started.

Linus: I hope [XXXXgarbledhummingXXXXX] the severity of this meeting. It has been a long year. I have concerns. I know the rest of you do as well.

[Awkward coughs. Shifting of wooden chair legs. Mr. Smith burps.]

GDA: Thanks you, Linus. Okay. I’ve called you all together here to talk about the past year. Things we accomplished, problems we encountered, and goals for the next year.

RK: [inaudible]..problems.

J: Rime, c’mon.

GDA: AND there will be time where you can just piss and moan at me, but now is not that time. I would especially expect those of you who’ve had a big launch this year to [XXXXXXXXXXXX] back and at least hear me out.

Mallora Crandall: We are listening. You are waving your arms around a lot. This is not a witch hunt—

[Sudden uproar of voices raised in alarm. Heavy feet pound across the room.]

MC: What? What?

BC: Oh yeah, you’re new here.

J: Never ever say – you know – the ‘w’ word.

S: [from a distance] Door’s still locked. I think we’re okay.

IT: Yeah, I think we’re good. She must be occupied elsewhere. We caught a break.

GDA:…[audible gulp]…okay. Okay, good. Don’t stress out about it, Mallora. I can explain a little better after the meeting.

J: Or I can explain it! I’m..uh…really good at explaining. Things.

RK: [audible facepalm]

GDA: Moving on. Look, I think I already know what some of your concerns are. I really didn’t put many of you to work this year. We bought a house, I was really focused on editing ‘The Riddle Box’.

RK: You bought a PlayStation 4.

GDA: That…is…true.

RK: You also spent how many hours at your desk? Just scrolling through the internet? How many hours on your couch watching Buffy: The Vampire Slayer?

GDA: I hadn’t seen it before! It was, uh, ‘cultural research’.

RK: You also watched Angel at the same time.

GDA: Uh.

RK: You found a site on the internet that told you how to watch them in the ‘correct’ order. You made a chart to make sure you did it correctly. A chart.

GDA: Well.

RK: [scrape of chair leg, presumably the speaker stood up] And even worse? How many  nights did you lay in your bed, just staring at your phone? Just numbly scrolling. Not interacting or communicating, just moving your thumb? How many?

J: Rime. Ease up, okay?

RK: No. It’s not okay. We have one avenue, one port of entry into this world. And it’s this guy’s head.

S: Not the best head. 6/10. There are better heads out there.

RK: This one breaks a lot. It gets distracted. It always crammed full of sleep and noise. It’s always right on the point of fucking dissolving.

IT: And the drinking! The drinking! Have you given any thought to the drinking? WHY ISN’T THERE MORE OF IT?!?

RK: And don’t think I don’t know why my head is like it is. It’s because you used this dump as a model. This twisty, useless place that–[XXXXXXgarbledflatulenceXXXXXX]..only way. He owes us more.

GDA: Okay. Okay. Point made. I don’t know why I kept expecting someone to have some sympathy or take my side.

L: You only make villains, son. We have our own weight to bear.

GDA: Fair. Look. You are right. I could have done better. I can do better.

J: Yeah!

[awkward silence followed by snickers and hoots]

GDA: Uh, thanks. All that is fair, and I hear you. I will try to do better. But let’s not wallow in it, okay? We’ve done some good work together this  year. We’re chipping away at that wall! I know it’s hard when we only have a few hammers working from this side – but there are more and more people working on it Earth-side. You are in people’s heads! As weird as it sounds, people other than me know about you. Well, most of you.

MC: Hmph.

GDA: That’s how it works. Each person on the other side is like a tiny point of light. Each light a beacon. And slowly as we find new readers, more and more light.

J: Wait, are they hammers or beacons? Because–

All: Shut up,  Jonas!

GDA: And just think, if we keep plugging away. One day you all could be as real as Harry Potter, or Kvothe, or Bilbo Baggins!

X: Or..some goddamn female characters?

GDA: Hermione, Aerin, Arya, Lyra, Lisbeth Salander! Look, I’m working with the same head that you all are. The fact that we made it this far is pretty goddamn amazing. So. Get off my nuts about it is what I’m saying. Rime.

RK: Hey!

GDA: Most of you are going to work on ‘Asteroid Made of Dragons’ – well except you guys who are technically dead. I’ll throw you some work, but you’ll have to disguise yourselves. The rest of you I can at least work on some short stories – give you all a test drive.

Sasparilla O’Shaugnessy: What about me?

GDA: Oh Sasparilla. I think you know that you’re going to be riding the pine a long, long time. Oh Sasparilla!

[Sarcastic laughter from assembly]

GDA: Okay, I think we’re all on the same page now. I know you are the best characters for the job.  Which brings us to the last question: Is it weird that I talk to you guys like this? I mean, it can’t—

[sudden knock at the door]

GDA: Shit! She’s here. Sideways, you get the door. Be polite.

S: Why do I have to do it?

GDA: She likes you!

S:That is a fucking lie. Fine.

[pained silence, the almost silent pad of feet towards the door]

[another knock]

S: Yes? Who is it?

[muffled response]

S: Are you shitting me?

[sounds of door being unlocked]

Dayjen Moore: Oh, hi guys! I thought this meeting was at 2. So! What are we talking about? Hmmm? Oh, I brought sandwiches..but, not enough to share. Unless someone has a knife? We can cut them into tiny sandwich-slivers!

GDA: Jesus Christ, we are fucking doomed.

JingaJang Smith: *BUUURP*.

End of Transcription